This passage is filled with misunderstood and misquoted phrases. More issues exist than we have space to address, but here are three of the more common misuses of phrases found in 1 Corinthians 7.
Submission to sexual demands required (v. 5: don’t deprive one another)
Some misuse this passage to guilt another person into sexual activity. Paul was addressing a society built on personal pleasure. As such, sex was a selfish act that ignored the needs of the other person. When asked about the greatest commandment, Jesus identified loving God and loving others as yourself as the greatest of all commandments. Here Paul gave application to loving others like you love yourself. When both the husband and the wife are mutually focused on the needs of the other, sex within marriage becomes an example of the selfless love called for by Jesus.
Marriage is simply a concession for those who are unable to practice self-control (v 9)
Some people use this passage to cast doubt on the importance of marriage and God’s purposes for marriage. Paul was addressing a specific question debated by the Corinthians. Some compartmentalized the spirit and body and viewed what happens with the body (sex included) as having no impact on one’s spiritual life. Because of the fertility gods in the city, others associated sex with pagan worship and saw sex as the ultimate evil. Both extremes appeared to be present in the Corinthian church. Paul brought focus to the debate by using the phrases “with his own wife” and “with her own husband.” The husbands and wives were still called on to practice self-control, since they were to be sexually active only within the confines of marriage. Opportunities for multiple sexual partners were faced daily on the streets of Corinth. Self-control would be required to keep a marriage commitment, just like self-control would be required for those who were single to remain chaste.
In reality, Paul was affirming marriage as opposed to discounting it. He recognized the importance of the marriage covenant between a man and a woman, affirmed monogamy, and called for all people to reflect God’s design for sex within marriage only.
A wife should never seek a divorce (v. 10)
First of all, Paul gave this directive to both the wife and the husband (see verse 12). Both are responsible for making the marriage work. Making it work goes back to verses 1-7 where both are told to consider the other person’s needs above their own. Obviously, a person who abuses his or her spouse is violating the first principle of acting in the best interests of the other person. Paul appears to be responding to a specific question about a marriage wherein one spouse accepted Christ and the other rejected Him. He emphasized that if the spouse chose to reject Jesus, the believing spouse was not free to pursue a new believing spouse. They were to honor their marriage vows. Paul was not making a statement about abusive situations, but rather about how a believing spouse, through respect and faithfulness, might win an unbelieving spouse to faith in Christ.